For the past several weeks I have been contemplating the concept of relating, relations and relationships.  My thoughts took me on a journey far from the typical concepts of human relationships that are friendships, familial, and sexual relationships.  I found myself asking… why is “relating” important to human beings?

Relating is another way of saying that we want to connect.  We seem to live our lives around relating to others, but more than that we are hard-wired for connection.   It is what we are here to experience.  But, why do there seem to be so many problems with deep and true connection with others?  I believe that the answer is about the level of ability and willingness to allow ourselves to be vulnerable.

So, what does being vulnerable really mean?  Vulnerability is defined as being open to attack or damage.  I’m sure that one of your first reactions to this is summed up in one word.  Protection.  Yes, our first impulse is to protect ourselves when we feel we are being attacked whether it be physically or emotionally.    When we really take a look at our society, we see many people living much of their lives in the realm of emotional self-preservation.

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never a weakness.”   Brene’ Brown

Absolutely everyone on the planet experiences vulnerability, especially in our Western society when it comes to emotional exposure.  Sadly, we tend to handle our vulnerability by numbing ourselves.  Why?  Because vulnerability feels so uncomfortable.  This isn’t necessarily a conscious awareness.  But, there are so many ways in which people try to numb their vulnerable feelings.  The biggies are, of course drugs and alcohol.  But, there are other distractions such as television, spending hours on the computer, food and spending money.  Even blame is used as a distracting mechanism because it is a deflection of our own feelings of vulnerability.   To blame is to discharge discomfort.

Shame is also another huge reason why we try to mask our vulnerabilities.  Did you know that shame is really a fear of connection?  Shame means that I am feeling like there is something about me that if other people know me or see it, I won’t be worthy of connection.  We are a society of endless numbing addictions all because we don’t want to feel intense emotions.

Deadening our intense emotions also blocks our awareness of a much deeper need and that need is authenticity.  It is the need to be who you really are at your Soul level.  In order to have connection, you have to first be aware of who you really are and then to allow yourself to be seen.  This means that you allow yourself to be brave enough to be vulnerable and be who you are meant to be; to experience your life to its fullest potential in this incarnation.

Whenever I have chosen vulnerability and show my authentic self I, of course have experienced what we all fear the most….attack and the emotional pain that comes from it.  But, once I allowed myself to feel, breathe and lean into that discomfort. I crossed over the line that separates discomfort from a world of love and a sense of self-worth.  However, many times I have also experienced a deep and intimate connection with another due to my willingness to be vulnerable.

So, how do we outsmart vulnerability?  When I work with my clients, I help them work on their sense of worthiness.   Self-love and belonging is key to living your Divinity.  The people who have a strong sense of self-love believe they are worthy.  So, we work on eliminating any old and false beliefs that no longer work and create new beliefs of healthy self-worth.

It takes courage to begin the process of developing a deeper sense of self-worth so that you can start living a life of authenticity.  It’s about being a brave Soul in order to be vulnerable, to be authentic and to tell your story with your whole heart.  It also takes courage to be imperfect!  Have compassion with yourself first and then you can have compassion for others.  Be willing to let go of who you think you should be in order to be who you want to be and be who you really are.  You have to do this for real connection with others.   Have the willingness to say “I love you” first and the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees.  Be willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.   Be willing to invest in yourself and believe that you are enough!  Believe that what makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.  Being vulnerable expands your perceptions of yourself and of others.  When we hide our vulnerability, we also numb happiness and gratitude.

So get your brave on!

 

Jolene Hayes is a Certified Soul Realignment Practitioner, Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist and Transformational Mentor.  She uses many healing tools to help you discover and experience yourself at your Soul Level.  You may contact her at 707.499.9207

Email:  jolene@wisdomofthesoul.com

Website:  www.wisdomofthesoul.com